omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
