i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
