ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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