I love black thongs
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
