and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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