dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
