those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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