I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
