Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
