We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
