I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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