I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
