ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i think i just lost a toe
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
