threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
