Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
