i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
