i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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