Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
