Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
