:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
