Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
