we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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