I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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