quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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