Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
