dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize