I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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