"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
