If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
