you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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