I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize