As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
