yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
