I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
