I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize