one two three fourrrrnication!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
