3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
