awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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