Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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