There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
