Cold hands, warm shart.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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