she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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