i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just found puke in my bra..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
