i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
