And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
