I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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