I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
