Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
