It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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