It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
