She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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