Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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