after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
