Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
