I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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