i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's like iHOP with fire
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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