We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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