The maid of honor just puked.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
