He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
