She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize