Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
