at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
