Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
