This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
