i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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