Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
