just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
