saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
