sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
