She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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