Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You were trust falling into bushes
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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