So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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