i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
