one might say we're banned from that church
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
