just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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