Someone shit on the floor
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
