Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
